


Legally Blind

by Sasha_BrausIsmyhero



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Comedy, Dorks in Love, F/F, Oh yes, Ragyo is still a bad mom, Romance, They don't know it, but not a rapist, but they will, don't ask me what kind, i kind of hate myself for writing her nicer, just canon divergent, pretty much a huge AU, stupid fucking nerds, they will
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-16 06:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3477299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasha_BrausIsmyhero/pseuds/Sasha_BrausIsmyhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryuko is set up on a blind date by Mako.<br/>Satsuki (reluctantly) attends a blind date set up by Nonon.<br/>Surprise Surprise. Mako and Nonon ship Ryuko la Satsuki.<br/>Anyway, the Scissor Sisters decide to play a prank<br/>And of course it fucking gets out of hand.<br/>Don't be dense.<br/>What did you expect?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Legally Blind

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of
> 
>  
> 
> [this](http://shameless-inhibition.tumblr.com/post/102704622340/tickatocka-how-about-a-our-asshole-mutual)
> 
>  
> 
> text post.

"Mako, I don't get why I have to wear this stupid outfit," Ryuko struggled against the confines of said outfit with a childish whine. 

"Ryuko-chan!" Mako threw her hands in the air and crossed them at the wrist over her head. Ryuko could almost hear the Hallelujah chorus before Mako flew headlong into a tangent, "Ruko-chan! You have to wear nice clothes because it makes your butt look great!" She grabbed Ryuko's butt, ignoring her startled yelp, and zoomed to different parts of the room to gesture wildly, "If your butt looks great, it makes Mako look great! And since Mako helped you pick the outfit your blind date will go better!" She flew to a cabinet and whipped it open zealously, "And maybe later Ryuko-chan can get a deal on tuna at the super market because we're out!" She gestured at the empty cabinet with a gusto that defied her small stature.

Ryuko was wearing black, form fitting dress pants and a white, button up. Her messy dark hair was combed into almost submission and Mako insisted on a black tie to complete the outfit. She didn't understand the point of what her small friend just said, but she knew it was her way of encouraging her to go out and have a good time. 

"Thanks, Mako," She offered an affectionate smile and grabbed her house key on the way to the door, "Don't wait up."

\---

The restaurant was small and actually kind of nice. It wasn't too ritzy for her tastes, and, at the same time, very well kept. The hostess at the door led Ryuko to a table for two in the midst of other couples dining out together. Ryuko thanked her and sat down with a menu, trying to distract herself from thinking of her date.

Just two days ago, Mako had burst into her room chattering about setting Ryuko on a blind date. To her credit, she hadn't spilled who it was no matter how she was bribed or somehow threatened.

_Amazing how she can go on for days, but suddenly shuts up when I need to know something._

Her thoughts were interrupted by a voice she doubted she'd ever hear again.

"Matoi?"

Her brain ceased to function as she slowly turned in her seat. In front of her stood none other than Satsuki Kiryuin. They had gone to high school together. Of course when Satsuki wasn't standing on tall things and shouting, Ryuko was brawling with her as soon as they got the chance. They probably broke at least 75 percent of the school rules, but no one dared even say anything. The threat to their lives was too great.

Ryuko stood, knocking her chair to the ground and raised her fist with a roar.

"KIRYUIN SATSUKIIIIII!!!"

Satsuki's heavy brows lowered as she glared at Ryuko. She raised her own fist and charged at the other girl.

"MATOI RYUKOOOOO!!!"

They met each other midway and slammed their fists into the receiving face. Ryuko grit her teeth at the impact, familiar pain sparking through her nerves. She had gotten into plenty of fights after high school, but no one hit quite like Satsuki. It was like getting hit by a freight train at top speed plus a full load of cargo. It would have broken a lesser human's jaw. 

They were panting heavily, bruises blossoming on their cheeks. Their anger was subdued, however, when they noticed the loaded silence of the building. The couple at the table next to theirs had stopped and stared, jaws swinging open with partially chewed chicken still in their mouths. Ryuko lifted her seat and forced herself to sit calmly, motioning for Satsuki to do the same. The taller girl noticed the other gaping patrons and calmly placed herself in the seat opposite her date. 

Much to Ryuko's chagrin, her back was ramrod straight and her face one of cold indifference. God, how she'd hated that perfect posture and flawless expression of apathy. The only thing stopping her from flying at the taller woman was the real possibility of being kicked out. 

"What are you doing here, Eyebrows?" She hissed.

Satsuki raised one one the aforementioned features with grace only she possessed, "Nonon said she found someone 'acceptable' of my attention. I'm beginning to question her judgement."

 _Of course, that fucking pink troll bitch._  

"Since when did you go on dates?" Ryuko sneered.

"This doesn't really count as a date does it?" Satsuki's face remained statuesque, "The fact that we've already thrown blows makes me reconsider what kind of relationships you've held in the past."

"Why the fuck would you consider something like that in the first place?" The shorter girl's lips split into an insolent grin, "Don't tell me the  _great_  Sastsuki Kiryuin thinks about little ol' me in her sp-" 

A realization stopped her mid sentence. Mako set her up on this date. Her best friend, basically her sister, had set her up on a date with her high school rival.

"That little shit," Ryuko muttered, astonished at the betrayal.

"Excuse me?" Satsuki's thick brows sank into a glare.

"Shut up, Kiryuin," The shock emptied her of rival rage. She was left only with anger at Mako. 

The tall girl sat in place, apparently unwilling to make another spectacle. The only show of any emotion was the tick of her eyebrow at being told to shut up. In their silence a waiter sidled up to their table, apparently oblivious to the tense atmosphere. 

"Good evening, ladies," Shaggy blue-gray hair hung over shiny aviator glasses. The man wore a thin white shirt and black tie with a pin that said  _Nudist Beach_ , "I'm Aikiro and I'll be your server this evening. What can I get for you?"

"Steak. Rare. Water," Ryuko spat.

"I'll have a bowl of Miso soup, please. And a cup of your finest tea," Satsuki spoke calmly.

"Excellent choices," Aikiro shouted, one hand moved to unbutton his shirt while the other smoothed back his hair. Ryuko swore she saw a sparkling purple light from where the cloth was parting. The sunglasses were quickly whipped off along with the tie. Satsuki stared at the stripper, looking slightly disturbed.

As if coming to his senses, he buttoned up his shirt and gathered the glasses and tie, "Your food will be right with you," Clearing his throat, he gathered the menus and all but strutted away.

Somehow Ryuko managed to tally that as just another strange part of the day. She took a deep breath and smiled widely at her date, "Smile back, I have a plan," She forced the words quietly through her grit teeth smile.

Satsuki gave her a small smile in return, the only genuine emotion flashing through her eyes in the form of a warning, "What are you talking about, Matoi?" It was incredible how she managed to tinge even calm words in death threats.

"You know how Nonon set you up on this date? Well, Mako set  _me_  up." Ryuko felt herself heating with anger, and raised her hand to play with the red streak in her bangs, purposely tugging slightly too hard to ground herself. Somehow she forced her lips to quirk in mock flirtatiousness. It felt more like a grimace, "I'm suggesting that we get revenge."

"How do you propose we wreak vengeance on the miscreants?" Satsuki leaned forward in psuedo-interest. Her hands moved to the table, close enough for Ryuko to grab. 

"Did you just say 'miscreants'? Jesus Christ, am I about to fake date someone's ancient aunt?" Ryuko scoffed, but managed to keep it quiet.

"I'm sure that it wouldn't be the worst form of life you've dated," Her eyebrow ticked as she put all her resolve into remaining outwardly civil, "Why do you insist we exchange in such frivolities? Isn't it more your style to simply charge into battle screaming?"

"Normally, yeah. But they're watching us," The shorter girl smiled so widely that it must have been painful.

Feigning a search for their waiter, Satsuki turned toward the back of the establishment where the servers gathered the necessary dishes for delivery. She turned back to face Ryuko, allowing her eyes to scan the room quickly before she reached her destined position. 

"Why on Earth..." She muttered quietly. She had spotted them behind a potted plant. Bright pink eyes peeked through the leaves next to an exuberant coconut.

"Probably to make sure things go right," Ryuko forced a giggle as if Satsuki had just said something particularly funny. It sounded more like she was being strangled. 

Satsuki plastered a serene smile on her face to mask the figurative nuclear warhead going off in her brain. Ryuko's own smile masked the elaborate murder plot of her best friend. Lost in their own mental chaos they didn't notice a new waiter approach their table, only to be alerted by his deep voice.

"Let me tell you two useful pieces of information," The red mohawk and aggressive expression forced Sastsuki to the conclusion that this could only be Ryuko's long lost brother, "One: Your previous server, Aikiro Mikisugi, has been let go for the evening. I, Tsumugu Kinagase, will take his place. Two: I have your requested dishes here." He set a large steak in front of Ryuko along with a glass of water, and a bowl of steaming miso soup for Satsuki with an equally thermogenic cup of tea. Tsumugu bowed to the women and retreated back to the kitchen where a muffled purple glow could be seen from the slot under the door. 

 They ate in silence. Ryuko tore into her steak like a rabid animal. She didn't even stop eating to drink, it all just went in at once. The way she hunched over the plate suggested that she was guarding a precious jewel. It was the exact opposite of Satsuki. Straight backed and elegant. No slurping. Her spoon didn't even clink the bowl. Although she sat with impeccable posture, not a drop spilled on the journey from the bowl to her mouth.

When Ryuko finished, Satsuki was well into her signature tea sipping mixed with looking down at the world. The shorter girl grit her teeth and released what she hoped passed as a contented sigh rather than the screams of someone with snipped vocal cords. Satsuki had paid for both of their meals and left an obnoxiously generous tip for their angry looking waiter. 

"Well, then Ryuko," Satsuki set her now finished tea on the table and stood, "Shall we go?"

Ryuko nodded and got up from her seat. She made sure to walk close to Satsuki on their way outside. Satsuki turned to face her and took one of Ryuko's hands in both of hers. A small smile played on her lips as she raised the hand to her mouth and pressed a soft kiss to the back of it. Ryuko coughed in surprise and turned her face away to conceal the strange flush creeping into her cheeks.

"Mastering visual sincerity is vital to any performance," Satsuki released her hand and swiftly handed her a crisp business card. Ryuko stared at it dumbly. Satsuki sighed, "You'll have to call me to keep me up to date with our scheme."

Ryuko scoffed and snatched the card from her hand. "Whatever, Kiryuin." She stuffed the card into her pocket, grumbling about how warm it was.

She and her mock date parted ways after a forced hug and a choked goodbye. Ryuko kicked up sidewalk dust as she stomped angrily back to the apartment she shared with Mako.

She would rain Hell on the midgets.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This is my first Kill la Kill fic. Let me know what you think c:


End file.
